


Eyes Are Where My Demons Hide

by The_Pocky_Princess



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crying, Don't Judge Me, I'm a horrible person, I'm lazy, M/M, Sad, Sadness, Ye olde Asylum stuff, bonus chapters later maybe, gonna get gross, hate me yet?, if i can be bothered, institution, lotsa grossness in future chapters as I get into the swing of stuff, mental health, oldschool asylum, prepare yourself, pretty cruel, reiner and Bertl being sad babies, slow relationships, very sad, wrongdoing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-04-27 00:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5026168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Pocky_Princess/pseuds/The_Pocky_Princess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a mental health support worker is introduced to a set of new patients, all with very different takes on life and reasons of being in this place- just what will take place?</p><p>Reiner Braun : At the top of his game for his profession, calm and genteel when needs be, a respected supporter new to the business of work in the Sina Building.</p><p>Marco Bodt : Sent to Sina a week ago, suffering after several suicide attempts and continuing to carry dark thoughts on his life. Lonely and quiet, in need of a companion often.</p><p>Bertholdt Fubar : Sent to Sina 2 days ago, Suffering with bullimia and a heavy self-loathing mechanism, he's secluded and unable to vent feelings towards any around himself.</p><p>Jean Kirchstein : Sent to Sina when the building was first created around a year ago. Suffers with extremely aggressive compulsions in mood, and has a tendency to hear things others cannot.</p><p> </p><p>Will friendships bloom, or will the tension raise? We shall find out!</p><p>-x-</p><p>Yeah, this is gonna be fun.... >:3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Sina

**Author's Note:**

> THIS ISN'T GONNA BE ACCURATE OKAY
> 
> I'm a psych student sure, but i've literally only just started. x'D I just need to get this muse outta my head okay? <3 Just enjoy the horror that is what I do to characters in my spare time

Ah yes; the care unit.  
That's what they called it anyway, a scientifically sophisticated unit to take care of those in immediate need of care.

Reiner wasn't sure that was the name for this- more like experimentation, even torture. The methods were crude, medications were far too strong to be used on humans, and patients were constantly thrown around like ragdolls.  
Metaphorically of course- but, perhaps not always.

Sina is the smallest of the 3 Asylum buildings; the highest of the security ranks, every door is barred and nailed from the inside and out- separate layers to protect workers there. Strict regimes, security at every door and arch, and cameras litter the halls. They were always watching, and Reiner knew it; pushing his trolley down the polished concrete of his hall.

New people had been added; and it was his priority to go and see how they were doing now moved in, and to deliver morning medicine doses of course.

Looking down a rather empty board; his golden irises fall upon a new name in particular. Bertholdt. Moved in only two days ago during his days off, good thing he was here now. There were a few warning notes beside his name about refusing food, and forced measures were not applicable without things getting messy.

Which he certainly understood upon opening the first door gate; the outer door was a solid one. Used for actual entry, but the inner door, is a set of bars lined with mesh. Allows full sight of the room inside without risking the attendee at all. useful with the more...aggressive kind.

God that smell reeked; and he understood now. One hell of a bulimic; no questions asked about why forced measures weren't going to work. he'd just play it down till he was alone, and cough it back up again anyway.

Yum.

Pushing the inner door open and sealing it in again, avoiding any unsanitary portion of the floor and slowly moving up towards the bed in the far wall, reiner treads lightly and quietly, pausing midway to check his board properly, and then looks up to the silhouette perched side-on to the wall against the bed, legs tucked to his chest and long arms stretched around his knees.

"Ah, hello...Bertholdt. I'll be looking after you from now on...So call me Reiner."

His friendly attempt of communication is met with dead silence; and dark green eyes turn to fall on the broad young man's form in a dead manner. Like a doll almost, solid and unmoving, eyes lifeless and almost bored.

"...Well, uhm- ready for breakfast? Monday's are always the nicest ones. I hear anyway." he breaks a smile- trying anything to get something, but what he gets in response, other than the silence, is a face turning to face the wall and rub his forehead into the rough surface, trying to hide away in a lame manner.

Take that as a no.

He couldn't force it himself; he'd have to wait for later, notify higher powers if the other wasn't going to eat willingly.

Turning back to the entrance; only to retrieve a plate of food anyway. A small potion; but it would be enough of the high-protein meal to get anyone's metabolism moving again. Setting it just inside the doorway, if by some miracle the other boy would eat when left in his own company, Reiner finally takes his leave with a sorry sigh; Pausing to look through the mesh once shut; before swinging the outer door into the locked position.

note; call janitors soon as possible...

Next on the list was Marco; a little less recent, he'd seen the boy before. Lonely, but seems to like company.

Pulling the outer door open; he was glad to only be met with the smell of clean air this time. And to seeing Marco sat in the farthest corner of the room possible. far from the small barred window over the bed, and squished between the end of the barred furniture and the cold wall. Sat in his normal ball and watching the door, though his hazel eyes clearly light up seeing he would have company- even if only for a few moments. slowly scooting forward from his place.

"Hey Marco, feeling any better today? I have some food for you, and the docs have a new prescription to try for you. Pick ya' up a little yeah?" he smiles, pulling the inner door open, with plate balanced in one hand, and a pair of pillboxes in the other as he pulls the door shut with his foot.

"Uhm- they think it'll help? Suppose it can't hurt...I'm just happy you're here." Marco cracks this vaguely hopeful look, something that might have been a smile a long time ago, but now makes him look more like a kicked puppy than much else. He accepts the plate however, taking it to his corner quietly, and waits patiently for the blonde carer to dish out his prescription; even taking a cross-legged seat on the floor ahead of the freckled boy.

"They're only small, so no need for water with these alright? Two blues, and one yellow..." He tips the trio of small tablets out, and drops them into the palm of Marco, who sets them onto the rim of his plate- before taking the single yellow to drop down his gullet first.

The blues soon followed, at which time Reiner pushes himself up to stand with a sorry look to him. He knew how much Marco suffered, he hadn't been here long, but his room was far more barren than the others. They didn't want him to take anything to attempt another chance of death- he was alone so often, and with such dark thoughts it was difficult to see through his friendly facade sometimes.

"Going already...?"

"I'm sorry Marco- I'll try to call back at lunchtime, stay a little longer maybe. A walk around the central garden if it's still sunny too. I know you like seeing the flowers."

"You'd do that? Oh yes please...I want to see the flowers- see all the pretty colours...they're still pretty, aren't they?"

"They are." Reiner smiles at the sparkle brought to the others face, though it was lost in his emotional spectrum. He pulls the inner door shut, to spare a last greater smile just for the freckled boy, and slowly hauls the locking door shut until he could hear the heavy 'click' of it's hinge setting into place.

The just left a single patient to his check-in list.

Sina's longest staying resident, and likely to be a permanent one. 

At an entire year, without any medications that eased, no situation that helped; Jean is the hellish one of the Sina main ward. Feared by several supporters, he was constantly moved between the carers to those who could handle his blatantly aggravated emotional spectrum; That falling upon the burly Reiner.

The outer door was opened; and within the well lit room was the patient himself; Sina's heller.

Curled up in the corner, nails blunt from gripping into the padding in the walls and his plain shirt and pants practically blending him into the rubbery lining itself. face grey and hanging with a lack of sleep and evidently jumpy when Reiner was in the doorway- though he kept the mesh layer in waiting.

"Morning Jean."

" 'snot mornin'..." he mumbles, and his head swoops in motion to lean back against the padding of the wall, and his hands slowly slide from their position of gripping the wall.

Apparently not aggressive today- rare, but much appreciated. Opening the mesh layer to head inside and hand over Jean's only meal for the day, high protein of course as always, but with a few sedative drugs lurking within it all.

To keep him calm they say, keep him from reacting to things.

"There's a new treatment Jean, they've put you on the priority list...think they can help you. Make your...friends...stop talking. Would that be nice?"

"They'll never stop talking, they never do..." He mutters coldly, and his eyes harden against Reiner's; as the larger backs up to stand against the mesh of the safety door, just to be sure. He was an unpredictable one- none knew when Jean would trigger off and go on a rampage.

"Well, they might. You gotta keep looking sometimes...Meant to be real good for you, start in a couple of days with you, see how it goes." he smiles anyway, closing the mesh door behind him to leave Jean in the unnerving peace that was his cell. No furniture, just padded walls and a white light overhead.

 

It wasn't fun; the job was agony to see the pain in the eyes of people like him, like Marco and Bertholdt. They needed help, company. And he was willing to do just about anything to help them- and this new therapy could be so useful for Jean, maybe even to Bertholdt if they apply it to his diagnosis now. He'd see another day; for now, the morning round was done. Time to sit down for a little paperwork.


	2. Lonely Boys are the Kindest Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco's chapter! :D  
> yay for very very lonely boys that desperately need love because they can't love themselves... <3  
> People wanted more, and I didn't expect that so... here, have a chapter. :)

Reiner had long since left for his paperwork break now, his patients left in their cell spaces to do as they wished in their peace and quiet- or the terrorizing silence. For one, the silence was calming, it was peace and it was home.  
For another, it was the worst, it was death and it was painful.  
And for the last? It was cold. It was lonely and it was something he'd rather avoid, desperately trying to make communication however he could, he only wanted someone to talk to.

Courtesy of this, he'd been allowed some objects of comfort in his cell, things he couldn't harm himself with of course. In the form of a small teddy bear; soft and plush, the glass eyes replaced by simple stitches instead, and his paw pads were worn from use. It was something he'd had a long time; Marco.

It normally lived on that bare bed of his, not even spared a pillow in case he attempted to suffocate himself, probably for a second or third time. He'd long lost count of his attempts to end everything, how miserable and hurtful the world seemed, and how little he wished for that to apply to him any longer. The toy was a friend- it didn't talk, but it gave him something to talk to, when Reiner wasn't popping in.

Whenever his hands shook and fingers twitched, longing to hold a paintbrush and palette again, he held the bear instead. Pulled it close to himself, curling up on the bed in a ball of freckles and white robes, holding it for warmth as if it'd give him any.  
"It's gonna be okay isn't it Snuffles? We're gonna get out of here soon- they'll see it soon we're okay! We're fine- dandy, good amazing whatever..." Nimble fingers stroke over the bears head, the soft fur there and folding it's ears back with every stroke, trying to settle this uncomfortable urge to just scream- cry out, get help. But for what?  
He didn't know.

Marco didn't really know why he was here, aside from the constant attempts on the loss of his own life, but there was something amiss and that much he did know. This unbearable surge to hit something- throw himself at the wall or a person, do something just to rid it. Perhaps he was just restless, or perhaps it was the medication? 

He wanted to go outside.  
He longed for it, see the sunlight- the flowers, hear the birds and the insects, see the colour. Not this bland monochrome room he lived in, it was so boring and lacked life and luster. He wanted to live, maybe pretend he was okay. Just for a while.

He could hear thudding next door- this was new.  
he'd never heard that before, but then he hadn't been here a long time at all, and so scuttles to the wall to anticipate something. Was someone going to break him out?  
He doubted that but in a place like this, one could only hope.  
The thudding continued, though it grew weaker now and then, faded into the silence again- and would come back moments later with newfound ferocity, like an animal trying to break free of confinement.

Then started the shouting, cries to be let out.  
It was muffled, very muffled- but it didn't stop Marco from knowing someone was there on the other side.  
And he responded, Snuffles set aside and throwing himself shoulder-first at the wall of which he shared with this thudding sound, put all of his lacking strength into it, all he could.  
It hurt, oh it hurt- more than he'd though, but he didn't feel bad for what he did to himself, just to know someone was there- there was this form of communication perhaps. Who were they?  
he wanted to meet them, he wanted to talk to them.

"Hello? Can you hear me?...My name is Marco!" he calls, staring at the bland wall ahead of him, but the thudding had faded again, and though he waited- the ferocity didn't come back. The silence crawled back into his life again.  
"...P-Please...I just want a friend..." he mutters to himself, though it wasn't bitter, more of a whimper, forehead laying against the coldness of the wall and sliding down to sit back on the bed, to roll over like some beaten dog and curl himself around his childhood toy again.

How pathetic he felt for this, but he needed someone. He wanted a talk, something. Just something to fill the gap inside, he hadn't identified it yet but he wanted to so badly. He craved it.

So when the outer door squeaked open, and the inner door of his cell was unlocked and cam,e open too, he was more than happy to see Reiner's face there, coming in through the space.  
"Hey. I got some time out from work, and I know you would want a little company."

"Oh thank you-- There was this sound too!"

"A sound?"

"yeah, yeah! I'd never heard it until now, just now- through the wall y'see, like...like someone wanted to talk to me! Called for me, only I couldn't really hear them and I just...I just had to know."

Reiner puzzles on this, and then comes to a frown. It's the wall the separates Jean's cell from Marco's.  
The ferocious inmate of Sina from a soft hearted creature like Marco.  
"That's one of my other patients-"

"Can I meet him?" Marco's eyes sparkle, a inkling of light Reiner hadn't seen in the boy before as he approaches, and sits on the bed beside the robe clad boy, head hung a little. He didn't want to do this.

"I'm sorry Marco, but I can't let you. He'd hurt you. I need to keep you safe and make you well, but he may never get better. he throws himself at the wall because it won't hurt him, but he wants to be in a place like you have. But if we let him have a place like this, he'd get loose. He'd be dangerous again." He explains it slowly, trying to keep it simple so Marco could follow somewhat.

"So...he's...sad?"

"Sad...? Well- uh...Yeah, I suppose. Everyone here's a little sad aren't they?"

"Like me though- he...he doesn't want to be here anymore, not just here, but anywhere. He doesn't want to be like he is and wants to be free...wants to fly away from here."

"...I'm not sure how i'd rather answer this, but no Marco. He doesn't have such...vividly beautiful...intentions. He's hurt several personnel in his days, including me before. I can't let that happen to you too- do you understand? You're too precious to let anything happen like that. You're so close to getting better, so close to getting out of here." The blonde tries to break something of a hopeful smile; but the rare sparkle of Marco's eyes had died at his words, and his head had drooped. Fringe now hung low on his forehead.  
"Oh Marco...You have Snuffles, don't you? Doesn't he keep you company?" Reiner pulls the toy bear over to them, holding it gingerly between his broad palms- as if he'd harm it or break it like porcelain. He expects Marco to take it from his hands as he holds it out for the boy- but he didn't expect the sudden removal of the cuddly mass from his hands entirely- the squeak as the stuffing collides internally with the farthest wall, and the chokes of a sob breaking out of the freckled boy.

"Marco-"

"I'm alone! He doesn't talk- he can't smile or love me! I'm alone! Even you don't understand! I'll always be alone-- Always..." The freckled boy sniffs it back at the realization here, and Reiner can do nothing but appear ashamed to have triggered this reaction, and though he wishes to put a hand out to the boy, he couldn't risk it.

Marco pulls his knees up now, hides his face in the logging clad limbs, arms tucked around his shins and curling up like that there, hiding his sobs and tears in the white fabric.He didn't want to look so pitiful, but it hurt- knowing he was so alone. Reiner wasn't a friend, he wasn't interested surely, he was here because he was paid to be here.

"I'm sorry Marco...Look- if...If it really helps you..." He frowns at this decision, Reiner really shouldn't be making this, but it was worth a shot. He'd just have to keep the separation grid up...  
"I'll let you meet Jean, the one through the wall. Tomorrow- tomorrow I'll let you... okay? if you stop crying. So please..."

Freckles lifts his head a fraction; enough to show his dark eyes, now with red tinted whites to them, and watering lines underneath, but his eyebrows are raised- he's at least surprised by this offer, but he nods quickly against his knees and accepts it.

"Alright...Take care of Snuffles okay? I'll bring dinner up soon." The blonde smiles, trying to soothe the situation further, as he retrieves the bear from the far side of the room, and sets it on the bed beside Marco once more, sat on it's backside, paws open wide and looking up at him with those black crosses.

He takes leave afterwards, glancing back through the separation grid of the internal door as it locks shut, and then disappears through the outer door, leaves Marco back in the quiet.  
Back on his own once more, as the daylight begins to fade softly from the room, and slowly retracts closer and closer from the floor, until it barely makes it over the slight shelf of the barred window, and the electric light comes on from the ceiling, flickers slightly now and then. A reminder Marco was captive here, he was alone- and he was captive.


	3. Expelling Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt and Reiner have a shared chapter together.  
> I didn't expect people to actually want more of this? I'm thoroughly pleased though, if you guys enjoy it i'll keep posting. ^^

The night had come in quickly now, the winter giving way to early and dark nights with later and later damp days. Reiner didn't mind, but it certainly made the center far more creepy than it is, especially when there's a constant banging and moaning of Jean inside of his room just down the hall from his office.  
He'd learned to block it out, but it was still disturbing.  
He'd have to give him a sedative if he kept this up, else he was sure Marco wouldn't sleep- let alone anyone else in that corridor.

For now, Reiner filed through some paperwork, hunched up at his desk, stacked high with papers- medical notes, research, other little things, and taking care of his new patients files. IT was interesting really, learning of the few he took care of. When Jean arrived, he had very little information on him, so every treatment has been purely experimental; often with disastrous results.  
Marco's files had been easy to organise into order, lots of medical notes from his constant hospital submissions, so there was no problem in finding medications that worked there. Bertholdt...he hadn't looked at until now.

Photographs were stuck inside a little pocket to the side, which Reiner soon discovered, eyes still fixed to the black ink on the pages he was looking over, notes of his apparent fears, but there was apparently no known reason for such a horrific display of bulimia, to such a degree that Bertholdt had it. The photographs though- it was sad.

He was such a beautiful boy.  
About Reiner's age too; early twenties, he'd been successful but timid his whole life, good grades in school and very bright, but went downhill at a sudden point with no real knowing for the trauma.  
Interesting-

Reiner sits back in his seat a little; the file slapping against the desk as one hand runs back through his short hair with a sigh, and the other hand flicks through the black and white polaroids held between his fingers, and you could see the difference in the boy. How his face had hollowed between the years the images were taken, Eyes had darkened and lost their bright glimmer.

It begged the question, where did it all go wrong?

No time to think-  
His head spins around at the sudden tocking of a metallic alarm bell, set for evening dose times for medications, leaning forward to stand from his chair at last and push it away with a single foot, the blonde set the photos back down against the surface of his desk in Bertholdt's open file.  
he'd deal with that later, medications needed to be done in good time.

Many were easy, Marco took only 3 pills, two blue and a yellow, which were weak anyway but they had to work him up, taking down the small tub that kept his doses separated properly and setting it onto a metal trolley for him, reaching for medications Bertholdt had been prescribed. There was nothing much there for him at this moment, he'd be put into therapy for a while- Reiner was sure of that, and maybe they'd work something out from there. He hoped so, of all people, he wanted to see Bertholdt leave here whole and well.

As for Jean-  
You'd think he had every illness present on the earth by the tub of pills, vaccines and other things he had lined up. The boy was probably jumping, how these didn't work- nobody knew, he should be drugged up to his eyeballs so bad his heart would fail, but no. He was here, miraculously. And he was still banging against the walls of his cell.

Reiner hated this part of his job, but he'd save it for last.

Taking the trolley out once loaded up and with all the notes and time schedules present, he moves down to a canteen area to grab food from the delivery opening, lukewarm it seemed, not particularly nice but it was better than cold he supposed. Loading a little medication into Bertholdt's mash, since some of it was semi liquefied medication, it worked well if he'd eat the damn stuff.

Now it was a case of coaxing the boy to eat, or so the blonde hoped.  
Opening the outer door and then pulling the security grid closed behind himself too, he noted that the janitors still hadn't been through and the smell of the room had honestly gotten worse, it was dizzying- nobody will ever like the smell of bile and vomit but in such closed conditions, without a window to open- it's pure nausea.  
He couldn't help but grimace, and resorts to breathing through his mouth as much as possible, avoiding any rank patches on the floor to approach Bertholdt; who appeared to be curled up on the thin mattress of his bed, head against the cold wall in the very same position it had been in this morning-  
Had he even moved?  
"Hey Bertholdt, it's me again. Evening meal here for you... You gonna eat this for me? I want to know you're okay." Reiner breaks a little smile, and places himself down softly on the far end of the mattress, the material sinking under his weight and forcing Bertholdt's body to sink with it to a degree.

He could see it this close up; the bones of his hand and wrist, anything under the small amounts of bare skin that just barely peaked out from the white garments of a uniform the patients wore here. Plain long sleeved t shirts and long white pajama style pants. Not particularly warm, but they were comfortable enough.  
"You need to eat sometime you know." He adds, trying to coax this quiet soul into talking, but it didn't seem to be happening, and he sighs instead.

"Look, Bertholdt...I don't want to force you to do something, so please, please don't make me." He frowns, and stares intently into the only visible eye Bertholdt showed to him, though his own remained in the wall a moment longer before it flicked over to meet Reiner's gaze, though his mouth remains this dark frown at the very mention of forcing him.  
"Please? Just a little bit- Just a few mouthfuls of the mash- It's okay stuff I promise. It'll make things feel a little better, just a little bit. For me?" Reiner tries again, plate in hand and a spoon in the other scooping a small amount of said creamed potato, laced with the medications the other needed, and the boy seems to turn quietly, legs folding until they were crossed over and hands on his shins. He didn't seem pleased about this but, could it hurt to try?

This made Reiner happy- the very pinnacle of happy. The other was trying something for him, was finally responding to him... He scoops a little mash for him and holds the food piece out, the other taking it after a moments hesitation and seems to swallow it down quickly- not wishing to taste it.

It was like feeding a young child, spoon feeding, but if that was what it took, then Reiner would follow it. He just hoped this would stay down, and if the Janitor hadn't come by morning, then he'd spend at least half his day cleaning the place out he was sure. Hell, maybe he could move Bertholdt into a room with Marco while he does it, that way Marco gets company at least. Neither have aggressive tendencies from the files, so that was always a good sign. For now, the feeding was a priority; up until Bertholdt would refuse anymore.  
He got about a third of the way through the mash, so he supposed it was a start.

Standing to take everything away for the evening, Reiner shuts the internal door and takes a last gaze over at Bertholdt, who was slowly curling up against the wall again.  
"Goodnight Bertholdt, I'm proud of you."


	4. The Good, the Bad and the Insane.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Jean and Marco chapter, you guys love this so much like wtf people? x'D This isn't even good writing!
> 
> But hey, if you keep asking, i'll keep writing, mmkay?  
> Here, take this chapter and be happy. <3

It had been a long night for all in the Sina building; even Reiner was borderline exhausted when he finally flopped into bed in the early hours of the morning. At least Jean was silent, for a few hours at least. It was never long before the young man would start to drive himself into a dark place and throw himself at the walls of his cell once more. At least from his room, adjoined to the small office Reiner belonged and worked in, he couldn't hear the thudding.

He honestly just hoped it wouldn't keep Marco awake, he didn't want the boy getting lonely, he never complained first thing in the morning, his imagination in dreams is enough to give him the feeling of company, only temporarily.

The blonde dreaded the decision he had made; but he couldn't break a promise to his resident lonely boy, Marco deserved something done for him, even perhaps if it was risky.  
Maybe if he saw how destructive Jean was, then he'd never want to meet him again and would stop asking.  
Potential to work-  
But, for now, Reiner slept. Deep and heavy in the most uncomfortable bed in the history of man, with the wooden frame half broken underneath and creaking under every breath, but it was something.

when the buzzer sounded, and the working day started, bright and early at 5, Reiner peeled himself out to start on the morning organizing, getting the trolley out and setting up the medications.  
He'd make sure everyone was dosed and fed before even thinking of taking Marco to Jean, he didn't want either being cranky or uncomfortable- though the first cannot be helped much in the case of Jean.

Marco was awake even earlier than Reiner; surprisingly. The blankets over his shoulders and Mr snuggles settled in his lap, hands running over the worn down object with a sense of compassion this morning, smiling down at the brown bear, the stitched eyes staring up at Marco from where the bears head was a bit too heavy for it's stuffing-lacking body.  
He waited; he could hear Reiner open the door for Bertholdt on the other side of his own cell, and can hear him call for the janitors as he had done the past few days. He never questioned it, but he could easily assume the patient didn't accept food well.  
It was when the bolt slid from the outer door of his own cell that Marco really came alive, sitting fully upright and away from the wall, smiling over at the dark entrance as Reiner's blonde frame comes into view, and he sighs.  
"I know Marco, gotta get everyone fed and medicated first though alright? You can visit Jean at midday, couple hours from now." He added, to keep the boy from jumping at the door at least. He comes in with fresh clothes for today too, and helps Marco in changing out and back into the thin white cotton, having to lace the back of the shirt up comfortably tight, so the other couldn't get out of the material on his own.

Then he brought the freckled boy's food and medication in, and he could trust the boy to take it all on his own unlike Bertholdt, which was satisfying. He would have issues with Jean for sure, and oh boy.

He was in an aggressive mood; from the moment Reiner tried to open even the outer door, the boy was at the mesh safety door on the inside, fingers pressed against the thin wire almost painfully and glaring at Reiner with this snarl, trying to press his weight to the door, trying to get out and get at Reiner.

"Back off Jean, come on. Don't make me call for tranquilizer again." Reiner frowns, staying calm anyway and brings clothing through, once the boy had settled on the floor of his cell in his usual corner, and has to physically drag Jean out of his clothes; but he couldn't get him back into them; kicking and scratching at Reiner whenever he could.   
"A nightmare as usual, fine. You'll get cold, but fine. I'll try again later then, shall I? You'll have a visitor today." He stares down at Jean, who flares a nostril in his direction, and the angry expression remains on his face.

"I don't want a visitor, get out! Get out!" He retorts, a voice of rage today, and Reiner just sighs. he leaves Jean's food with the medication in the usual soft place, to give him time to eat while he goes back to paperwork for the time being.

 

~~x~~

 

"I can't wait! I haven't been out of here in so long!" Marco chimes, holding Reiner's arm as his guide, and with his teddybear in the crook of his elbow on the other side, deciding to take him as his usual comfort object, the blonde just shakes his head. Hearing Marco so filled with life was something new, and honestly; it was nice. To hear him happy like this, excited even.

How long it would last he was unsure, taking him along to Jean's cell.  
"He's in a really bad mood, so I really shouldn't let you be here, but...a promise is a promise." He frowns softly, unlocking the outer door of Jean's cell, and peers in through the mesh door inside.

He was in the usual spot in the corner, back to the door and hands laced together at the back of his neck, huddled against his knees and head between his legs, quiet now.  
"Hey Jean, I uh, brought a visitor. You want to come and say hello?" Reiner speaks softly, as not to suddenly disturb Jean, but the other doesn't move, nor respond.

Marco stares into the padded room and takes it in; small, no furniture. Just, white squares of padding. How boring.  
"H-Hi Jean." He smiles, and tilts his head as if it would help see the others hidden face."I'm Marco..." he squeaks, a little shy now, but he's happy anyway, just to see someone that isn't Reiner.

Jean lacks a response again, and there's silence for a few minutes.  
Reiner sighs at this, looks like Marco wouldn't be meeting him today then.  
"We should go Marco, he's not in the mood-"

"No no, I want to stay." Marco lets go of Reiner as the other tried to leave with him; and unlocks the inner door from the heavy latch, letting himself in.  
Reiner hurriedly shuts the outer door; in case Jean had tried to get out.  
"Marco!" he hisses, not wanting the other to get closer to the boy in the room; he didn't want Marco to hurt.

However, freckles ignored him. Lowering to his knees with Mr Snuggles still clutched between his elbow and chest, and slowly crawls to the wall Jean is pressed against, and sits a small distance from him.  
"Hey." he adds again, trying to make contact, and this time, gets a response.

Jean's head snaps over to stare at Marco with one golden eye, piercing and haunting in the dark area of the room.  
"What do you want?" he seethes, clearly not in a good mood.

Freckles was taken back by this; and his gaze lowers sadly to the toy against himself, which he takes into his hands instead to hold, looking down at Mr Snuggles for a long while, as Jean tuts at Marco somewhat angrily, and goes back to his position beforehand, no longer looking at him.

"I know...you don't want to see me now. And that's okay. I understand...Nobody really likes me." Marco shrugs softly, making it out to be nothing, as he slowly stands; leaning over to place Mr Snuggles in the middle of the small room, and goes back to the mesh door.  
"So...I'll leave my friend with you. So you don't get lonely...He's called Mr Snuggles. He wanted to meet you too. He doesn't like people being lonely...so he will stay with you, take care of you." Marco adds, and honestly Reiner couldn't believe this.

"Marco are you sure- Snuggles is your only possession-"

"I'm sure. He's my friend, he'll be okay." Marco smiles softly at Reiner, as he is guided out of the room, and back to his own next door. Hands empty.

 

The day was strange after that; Marco had nobody to talk to, nobody to look at and believe loved him, instead, he spent his day leaning against the wall that seperated him from Jean, and just thinking. How quiet it was, on his own like this.

 

Jean didn't move the entire day; not until the false light in his room flickered and the evening bells rang, he slowly uncurls from his ball to hit the floor with his own body, growling in annoyance and getting aggravated over the whispers running through his head.

And then he felt it; the cold touch of worn down fleece against the back of his finger.   
He rolls quickly; thinking it was a potential attacker, but only saw the toy that Marco had left him.

Slowly crawling over, Jean sits in front of the bear, frowning down at the object in question. What was this supposed to do? How was this...thing supposed to help him?

He picked it up in his hands; soft, very floppy in places, but even then, strangely comforting.  
Jean sat there for a while; just staring at this brown mass in mild confusion, but he could slowly see the potential. I mean, it felt nice to actually hold something for once, that was one thing. But it had value- emotional value.   
Bringing the small toy closer to himself, Jean retreated back to his corner for the evening, curling up with his back to the corner itself, and knees tucked to his chest, arms curled slightly under himself, and the toy?  
Below his chin, and against his chest. protected by the rest of his body there, he had it close. It was reassuring for some reason he couldn't pinpoint.

 

Reiner had quite the nice morning; finding Jean still asleep the next morning; curled up with the toy pressed to himself in one hand, and his other hand? Thumb in the mouth.

He may be a pain,  
But god did that just make Jean look adorable.


	5. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is loving Jean and Marco right now, so I think i'll indulge you all as an apology. :)
> 
> SORRY I HAVEN'T UPLOADED IN A MILLION YEARS. I'M SO SORRY. COLLEGE IS LIKE A GIANT BLENDER AND IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME. rip

For some; the night had passed faster than it ever had before. And for the rest- the night appeared endlessly bleak.  
The latter of course, was Marco. Confined to his room like he was so used to now, mundane- no decor, no real texture to anything, and most importantly, no toy bear to keep himself company.  
The night was always fairly quiet around here; with the padded out cells and the thick enforced walls, it was rare loud sounds were ever present, aside from the opening of walls or mumbles of those with a heavy head of psychosis haunting them in the night.

Normally it passed quickly, curled up with Mr Snuggles, not quite warm in bed but comfortable enough to rest. Maybe even a little chitchat with the brown toy while he was waiting for sleep to take over from there. It was comfort; something to remind Marco he wasn't so alone, despite feeling it so often. And now without his anchor, things just fell apart. 

He hadn't slept; sat on the bed with back against the bars of the headboard, no pillow to hug onto or hold, but staring directly at the far end wall just passed the end of the bed bars. Staring into the white walls as they grew darker through the night, slowly illuminated in a sickening yellow by the fake lighting, and then fading away as the sun rose and the stripes of daylight from the barred window space crawled across the floor of the room.

It was a shock for Reiner, certainly. 

Coming into his room by 9 o clock, as he usually did. The breakfast shift; a tray of food as always, and the pills on the side to help Marco tick along as normal. But what he was met with wasn't a hopeful look- or a beg for company, not even a question on the weather outside, or how warm it was.  
He was met with a face that was filled with a haunting; eyes that bled empty and brain slightly fried from the sudden lack of sleep.  
And to boot- an attitude.  
"Go away."

It was sharp; not at all sugar coated as Marco would be- not that he ever asked Reiner to leave anyway, and it took the blonde a moment to process this, setting the tray on the floor beside the bed.

"Marco? You okay?" He questions, carefully, and slowly backing up incase he needed to move- and it quickly turned out that he certainly did, as Marco gets up and attempts to outrun Reiner for the doorway; but is barely kept from getting out, once Reiner shuts the protective inner mesh of the door system, locking it into place.  
"Fuck Marco- What have I done?" Reiner drags his palms across his face, shaking his head. The toy- it had to be the damn toy. He'd never seen Marco without it since he arrived here just over a couple months ago.

He knew what to do in this case, leaving the room entirely, and not once did Marco's fingers unwind from the mesh of the inner door, and those dark eyes followed Reiner's every movement as the door came shut and locked, before shuffling back to his bed, ignoring the food laid out, and the meds too.

 

Blondie paces quickly; ignoring Bertholdt's room door at this time- just a one off now, he knew he wouldn't have eaten anyway, but he needed to sort this out, and it needed to be sorted out now before anyone could get hurt-

Yet, he was met with yet another puzzling situation. Jean was awake, which is a shock in itself as he practically hibernated during the day. But he was cuddling the toy; Mr Snuggles. Holding him protectively between his thighs and chest and arms, enclosed around him like a living cage, surrounding the toy in himself and seems to be quite happy with this edition to his cell.   
And; he didn't move to Reiner when he tentatively opens the door.

Even as he steps inside, Jean barely looks up at Reiner, doesn't take any interest in his being at all. No growling, no shouting. Just the toy in his mind, and is that a smile? Or a hint of one?

"...Jean? It's time to give Marco back his toy now..." Reiner eases closer, one knee to the padded floor but still remaining over Jean to keep his authority here.

Jean doesn't respond, other than his eyes flicking up to Reiner calmly, staring up at him, and rubbing his face in closer to the toy hidden by his body.

Reiner reaches out; for the small arm of the toy he could evidently see between the tangle of limbs from Jean. And he feels the fleece on his fingertips, gripping the toy there and gently pulling back, trying to slip it from the gap in Jean's limbs.  
"Come on Jean, it's not yours...Marco needs it now okay?" He says slowly, hoping to be heard this time; but instead is met with aggression.

Jean realized in this moment what Reiner was here for, what he was trying to do. And there was movement in an instant, still holding the toy for dear life. But digs his heels into a padding section of the floor, and forces his body across the padded room with his legs like that, forcing himself away from Reiner with some surprising force.

Reiner doesn't move after him fast enough; still where he was before; but realizes quickly what a mistake he had made.

 

As Jean moved, the air was filled with the shuffle of his nearly bare legs across the fabric, yes- but also the sound of a seam popping and shredding.  
And a glance into his large hands, concluded his fears. In his palm was the dormant stub-like arm of Mr Snuggles, ripping from the seam of his shoulder, where the body still belonged to Jean across the room, guarded heavily by the boy, and the arm itself was with Reiner.

"Jean...Fuck- JEAN." Reiner growls, angered by this now, the trouble this was, and cannot help but move to grab Jean by the back of his tunic collar, and practically throws the boy back against the nearest wall, forcing him to release the toy- though not without ripping the other arm too, hanging on by only a few threads there.

He leaves quickly, Jean left a little dazed, and now quite wound up by the loss of his new comfort, but once outside and back into the calm of the quiet corridors...Reiner realizes just how deep in shit he now was.

He'd tried to help, really. And now Marco's toy, the thing that had brought on such a bad change in his mood, was broken. And worst of all; Reiner can't stitch. He couldn't fix the toy, and god knows what would happen if he brought the broken bear back to Marco like this, what a state he'd be in. He couldn't do that to the boy, it'd be too much.

He tucks the body into a clean section of his trolley for safekeeping, and keeps the strewn arm in his overall pocket, to mull over it, as he moves on to deliver morning rounds to Bertholdt.

 

No surprises here; the room was again, stinking with nothing but the outright stench of vomit. And somewhere in there an intense smell of sweat, but that's just Bertholdt himself, still against the far wall.  
Reiner sighs, bringing in breakfast anyway,  
"Hey Bert. Still feeling rough huh? Yeah...Me too, royally screwed...Can't fix what i've done now. At least you can." Reiner shrugs, setting the food tray on the bed beside Bertholdt, and seems to attract the attention of the boy.   
"Look- I broke a toy. Not just any toy- it's special, for another patient, but I can't fix it." Reiner frowns, showing Bertholdt the little torn arm, and the boy even moves to reach out and take it gently from Reiner. 

He moves slowly, probably akin to some kind of humanoid sloth, and looks over the damage, thinking, and traces the broken threads, pulling the stitching free from where it had been hanging from the holes there, before looking back to Reiner with this sortof, knowing glimmer to him.

"...What?" Reiner frowns a little, not sure what is going on right now, and watches Bertholdt's thread-holding hand making dipping movements.  
"...You know how to stitch?" He questions again, and this time is met with a solemn nod.

"Look- Bertholdt- Okay, fine. If I bring you some thread and a needle...Can you fix this? I'll have to stay here with you but...Can you fix it for me?"  
Again- a nod.  
"Okay Okay- Don't move!" 

 

Reiner honestly hasn't moved faster in his entire life, rushing out back to his desk to hunt down the emergency stitching kit he'd gotten for Christmas some many years ago he was sure, and brings it back to Bertholdt, who seems more than happy to get started right away, once Reiner brings him the body of the small toy in.

"You just...be careful, with that needle. Okay? I'll uh, mop your floor...it's putrid in here..." He huffs, pulling on some heavy duty gloves, a bucket and his mops- and sets to work, looking up to Bertholdt now and then, watching the boy finally move with a human expression to him, looking caring toward his job now, pulling every stitch with care and equally, tying off the small knots strong and hidden as if the toy were new.

He'd come to the right place, that much was certain.


	6. Slipping through Fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted in ages... ;w; sorry 3  
> It's a short chapter, working up to be a big fluffy one soon. Because you people probably want to see more of Jean and Marco getting closer don't you? :)

Reiner spent a little longer than an hour with Bertholdt in his room now. The floors were clean and the air no longer smelled like half digested food remains, among other things. He was able to breathe here comfortably at least, and then there was the boy himself. Still sat silently, but his bony fingers work softly over his stitching work, smoothe out the material of the toy in his hands and pull each sem and hem back together gently. With care; as if it were alive, and he a surgeon without real anesthetic anymore.

It was, honestly relieving. He was at least showing compassion or care toward something out- even if it was inanimate, so Bertholdt at least knew how to care for another being or object. Perhaps just not himself. That could be fixed in time, and otherwise he was glad Bertholdt knew how to stitch well. 

The blonde had been zoned out in thought over all of this; only snapping out of it when Bertholdt's dark eyes felt like they were burning a hole into the other's head, waiting expectantly with the toy in his hands; outstretched in a silent offering for Reiner to take. The needle placed back into the roll of cotton to keep it safe too, trying to give them back.

"Oh- You're done? Thankyou so much, really." Reiner smiles, taking both the toy and the stitching supply, sighing softly,"You saved me a great deal of problems doing this for me, so...thanks. And look, if there's something I can get you- something you really need, then just tell me. Call it compensation, for hard work and good behaviour. Okay?" He adds, and Bertholdt slowly nods in his silent response, moving to lay down against his bed and watch as Reiner slowly moves to leave. His footsteps echo in the empty room; the doors squeaking and groaning as they close, and leave Bertholdt alone again.

 

The next place to go? Marco's room. Hopefully he wasn't quite so agitated ad earlier, Reiner didn't really want to deal with attack paperwork anytime soon, especially not for the usually calm and sweet Marco.  
He was settled on his bed this time; curled up in the farthest corner of the object, pressed into the corner as if he could just cease to exist, even as Reiner entered he made no move to come forward or do anything.  
"Marco? Your friend wants to see you buddy..." Reiner speaks softly as he makes his way towards the bed, and slowly sets the toy down on the mattress infront of the freckled boy, who doesn't lift his head out of his knees for a short while.  
He does basically throw himself at his toy upon seeing it though, dragging the bear close to himself and against his face, as if it would free him or ground him here.

"But he's Jean's friend now! Not mine!" He whines, eyes frowning up at Reiner with a real devastation to having it back in his hands too. And Reiner didn't know what to think.

"Yes but, Marco, not having him here was hurting you... he needs to stay with you from now on okay? Jean can't have him it it's gonna hurt you. But he did like having your friend there, I think. You helped him for a day, and that's really sweet."

"Can I go see him...?"

The words ring in the empty room, and once again Reiner is forced to think over this. Jean might act differently, seeing the toy back in the room; and it was helping both of them, maybe it would be okay? He'd just have to be ready to intervene if Jean got aggressively possessive over the toy again.

"I...I guess so, yes. But not today, alright? We'll go tomorrow instead. You need to sleep properly and have food in the morning... Jean's got therapy this evening too, so it's best to leave seeing him until tomorrow when he's had some rest, alright? Just sleep well for me Marco." Reiner smiles, and one is left in return too, Marco far brighter back in the presence of Mr Snuggles, curling up on his side with the toy clutched close to his body now. It was sweet really, so childlike and dependent on the toy.

He just hoped tomorrow would go smoothly, and maybe Jean's therapy session would help him.

Reiner didn't run those though; he dealt with their home room care. Doctors had already come to take Jean from his room; and because of his aggressive nature, he was basically escorted on a vertical trolley. Left stood up; sealed in a jacket to keep him from grabbing anything, and sadly placed in a muzzle too. he'd been known to bite in the past, so it was all just precaution. he seemed fine enough taken by guards and the doctors off to another section of the Sina building, to be set up and be the first on this new treatment method.

 

What was certainly known; was that by nightfall, the Sina build was kept awake by muffled screams of pain and want to escape, and the calls of doctors to keep him down and from moving echoing down the corridors. Even Marco was woken by the sounds; sat in fear of what could be happening elsewhere.

They never said electricity would hurt; they said it would help afterall...and wasn't that the point?


	7. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a lovely comment this morning asking for an update, and I'm always pleased to be spurred on with a comment or two. So I may as well update since I have the time. Here you go!  
> It's only a short one, but this section of story might take a few little chapters to get through.

Reiner slept through the screams and echoes; he'd become numb to most of the sounds of power struggles, that tentative balance between patients and staff members. He slept through the rollers on trolleys and the clinking of the clips for jackets and straps. People like Marco were always awake for them; even after only a few months, he couldn't get used to it. Every sound meant something more than a distraction to him- it was something to listen for, like a story without a narrator. Open for translation.

By morning everything had come to be quiet again, and Reiner could get around to taking care of his trio of patients now. He'd have the glorious job of running the baths today, everyone needed a wash- especially poor Bertholdt, who may as well be nicknamed Niagara Falls for the amount of sweat that rolls off him sometimes.

But for now, the morning food service was the priority. Rolling his trolley of dishes and meds along down the corridors, and stopping outside Bertholdt's room first- best get it overwith.  
Upon unlocking the outer door however; Reiner isn't met with the putrid smell of half digested food and other fluids, instead the floor remains clean- like it was after fixing Mr Snuggles yesterday, and instead Bertholdt is stretched out across his bed. He looks happier like this- stretched with limbs everywhere in a mess of human being, but his expression is borderlining happy. Reiner supposed that, at least in a dream, you weren't cooped up in a room all day and night with nothing to do. You could escape if you could bother to sleep and dream...

"Hey." He speaks, but softly; and finding that there is no reaction from Bertholdt, Reiner comes inside with his food and medications for the day, setting them aside to place a hand gently on Bertholdt's thin shoulder.  
He does wake this time; slowly and with a little remorse.  
"Sorry, but you gotta wake up for a little bit okay? Sleep again after you eat, if you want." Reiner smiles, and can't help but rub his palm gently against the hard protrusion of bones that make up Bertholdt's shoulder joints. It helped- well, Reiner at least. "And, you know..."

Bertholdt looks up this time, wiping the sleep out of his dark eyes in question, and looks a little puzzled at whatever Reiner was gonna come out with.

"I'm proud of you. You kept your meal down yesterday. I'm proud of you, Bert." Reiner smiles down with this very genuine respect; and Bertholdt can't help but show the shock of that statement on his face. Proud? Nobody had been proud of him, not ever. He'd been the let down, the waste of space- and now someone was proud?

His blank face breaks into something almost akin to a smile, which Reiner gladly accepts as confirmation of liking that idea.

"Keep it up, I'll try and find something rewarding for you...okay? I know it's hard. But this is the start, you could be out of here in less than a few months if you wanted." He slowly stands from the beside, and Bertholdt sits up too, nodding his head to confirm this. He could, he mulls it over even.

If he ate regularly... He could be out of here, maybe he'd feel better again? Maybe people wouldn't ignore his existence anymore, he wouldn't be a let down or a failure... Yes, Bertholdt likes this idea, he likes it a lot.

 

For now though, Reiner needs to check on Marco-  
Who was of course, settled with Mr Snuggles on his bed, waiting eagerly for his morning meal and medicative doses, smiling as ever he was.  
"Morning!" He greets Reiner, assuming the time of day purely because this was his breakfast meal, afterall with the artificial light, it's quite difficult to tell what time of day it actually is.  
He doesn't stay long, afterall, he wasn't sure what to expect from a post-therapy Jean, but he had to take the risk and take in his food afterall.

There's a long pause between opening the outer door and even approaching the inner mesh, Jean is in the middle of the padded room, laying on his side with his back toward the door. He seems to be sleeping, but the marks on his skin say he had a rough night.   
What did they do to him?

Reiner enters with caution; he knows Jean is fast and could probably get to the mesh faster than him if done right. But nothing happens; Jean doesn't turn or make any move to get up. And Reiner has to physically nudge him to get any response.

A groggy sound if ever there was one, and a slow roll to face Reiner from the floor, eyes barely open.   
The muzzle left lines on his face, hopefully those will fade soon.  
"Hey buddy..." Reiner sighs, sliding food towards the smaller boy, who seems to huff at the object, and struggles to slowly peel himself off the rubbery floor material.  
"Marco's gonna come see you today, he'll bring Mr Snuggles with him too, I know you like that." Reiner sighs, sitting back against a padded wall beside the doorway, watching Jean slowly come to life and pull handfuls of his food up to munch on.

Now thinking about it, Reiner had never really spent time with Jean- he'd always been so aggressive, such a dangerous patient to deal with that it was almost impossible to stay near him. This was new, but, it was a sign of improvement. In the blonde's eyes anyway.

"You don't mind Marco, do you? Maybe it's just the toy, I dunno... Long as you don't hurt him, or yourself... I'm okay with it. Alright?" Reiner looks up, not expecting any response, and he doesn't get one- aside from Jean pausing in his hurried eating of his morning slurry meal,"Look- if you're real good and all, you could get taken out of this cell. Have a proper one, like the others. it'd be nice right? Space to move, actual bed...Maybe even a window."

Jean slowly continues eating now, and Reiner stands from his space in the corner of the small room; sealing the mesh door again,"Well, we'll sort that out soon. Marco coming in I mean. So eat well and I'll be back to get you for a bath." he turns to leave, and shuts Jean into his own silence and company for now.


	8. Hot Water, Cold Personality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long overdue update for us all. :) I might not be able to update as often when I return to college though, I will try!

Bath time.

It wasn't a common thing to do, and it wasn't unheard of that some patients are never given a bath during their stay at a place like this. But, Reiner being his kindly self, likes to see to it that his patients get a wash now and again, generally if he has the time for it.

He'd start with Bertholdt- with his sickly tendencies honestly he was in need of a wash, his clothes were particularly pungent, but his skin was probably coated in all sorts of grime now- he simply didn't want to know. Besides, as his newest patient, he hadn't been given a wash since he arrived here. He deserves a little warm water and gentle treatment. 

The boy looks a little confused as Reiner enters his room again, it wasn't time for another meal and he hadn't been signed for any therapies yet- so he simply stares in question as to why the blonde worker was in his room and coming to the bedside.  
"Come on Bert, got a little treat for you." He smiles; holding his arm in the direction of the door as if to feign escorting the boy. He stands on his own though; slowly, and starts to make his way for the door. Reiner follows quietly behind to shut the doors again.

"Thought you might appreciate being let out of your room for a bit, be nice to get washed right? And a fresh set of clothes." Reiner smiles a little brighter; and Bertholdt looks down at the very off-white clothing covering most off his skin. Reiner had a point, his clothes were positively filthy, but he supposed Bertholdt had just gotten used to the smell after being stuck in that room for so long in his own company.

The bathroom itself was quite a large room; and the bath was a sharply tiled square towards the middle of the room. Everything was white and grey as usual; harshly clinical looking yet not as presentable as a surgery.  
"I'll run the water for you, and uh- here..." Reiner gives the boy a nudge on the shoulder to turn him around slightly; reaching for the double bow tied behind Bertholdt's neck and the one in the middle of his back. The two ties that keep his shirt firmly from being removed without staff assistance.  
"Go ahead to that stool over there and get yourself undressed, it's just us." Bertholdt blinks at Reiner in a little silence, and seems to purse his lips in an anxious manner, but he does slowly move to the stool; peeling his shirt away to set it on the stool there. His pants soon following afterwards.

Reiner hadn't watched, it'd be against his morals of course. Instead he'd shut the door; bolting the lock so their privacy wouldn't be broken, and had started to run the large taps of water. He didn't want to fill the tub as much as he would with Marco- He could trust Marco to sit quietly and even enjoy having a scrub. Jean couldn't have deep water purely from the time he'd drowned a staff member and very almost escaped from Sina entirely naked.  
And Bertholdt- well, this was his first time, and humans could be pretty unpredictable. He could pour more water if he had to.

"Come on over here, should be nice and warm for you." Reiner looks up from where he had been watching the taps pour into the large tub and slowly fill out; and keeps eyes on Bertholdt as the boy shifts in his direction. He stands with hands in his lap and hunched over at the waist; both for modesty and purely out of being uncomfortable with the surroundings and general situation.  
"Here, i'll help you in- tubs kinda deep." He lifts one of Bertholdt's hands away from where he was hiding himself; supporting the small weight of the boy as he moved a leg over the edge and rooted it against the bath floor, slowly climbing in and settling down.  
The water just about came to his hip bones where they protrude from his sides; but it was plenty warm enough judging by all the steam.

He took his time with Bertholdt; using just the sponge as opposed to the scrubbing brush most other carers used here. He didn't want to hurt Bertholdt, he seemed so fragile. And he certainly didn't want to scare him with the premise of more pain.  
Instead he rubs gentle circles into his dirty flesh; a little sweet smelling soap also there to help make this overall more pleasurable, and after a while Bertholdt seems to relax into this whole being manually moved business- even willingly lifting a leg up onto the side so that Reiner could take care of scrubbing whatever he could reach.  
He didn't talk, though that came as no surprise to anyone here really.

But it was nice; he felt more trusted, being able to do this and showing he wasn't going to hurt him. Even poured a little more water in- both to keep the current water warm, freshen it up a little, and just so it's a little more satisfying to sit in.

"Alright Bert, looks like you're all squeaky clean, eh? Feels better don't it?" Reiner sits back with a grin on his features; placing the sponge into the bath items basket to one side. He stands and drags over a large towel; holding it out."Come on then and we'll get you dried off. Got nice clean clothes for you too. I put them over the pipes- so they should be nice and warm."  
Bertholdt peels himself up from the tub water; glancing down as he does so- and is somewhat horrified by the colour of the water left behind. He frowns at the sight; moving to step out and move to the towel held out for him. He moves to take it from Reiner's hands; but instead Reiner puts his arms around the small boy- the action rolling Bertholdt up in the towel, like one would do with a small child.  
"There, go ahead and dry off. Clothes should be toasty and clean..." He adds; letting Bertholdt sort himself out for a moment as he collects his clothing; folded and warmed by the hot water pipe.

"I love getting out of the bath into warm clothes, it's the best feeling." he chuckles a little; helping Bertholdt dry off his back and also his shaggy hair, before setting the towel aside."Gotta get you a haircut soon, eh? getting a little long." He adds, opening out the shirt for Bertholdt to slide his arms into; before lacing up the lack and tying it off for him; also helping him get back into the matching white pants.

"There, clean, warm and dressed. Nice." Reiner grins; unbolting the bathroom door now,"Come on, lets get you back to your cell to relax for a bit." He tips his head in an indicating direction, and leads the way back to the cell space. Bertholdt returned to his bed; but seems ultimately more comfortable in his fresh clothing and cleaner skin. Even as Reiner locks him back in, the air feels substantially lighter.

He supposed now; it would be a better time to arrange Marco and Jean to meet once more....


	9. Faded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco meet once again; what's gonna happen this time I wonder?

Marco almost jumped from his bed when the doors of his cell come open; but he's always happy to see Reiner stood there, framed by the wire mesh of the inner door works.

"Afternoon Marco. You ready for your play date with the neighbor?" Reiner muses a little; unlocking the inner mesh to push it open.

"I get to see Jean now? Thankyou Reiner!" The freckled boy grins; picking up his stuffed toy as he stands from the bed; brushing the wrinkles in his clothing away from where he had been hunched up most of the day, and slowly moves to stand in the door lock space with Reiner, following along his side willingly and quietly.

Of course Jean was essentially next door; behind a thicker wall set of course. Reiner takes time to open this up; but once inside Marco lights up with a smile again, just happy to see Jean. Even if he was just curled in the middle padded tiled of his cell floor; barely even watching the door with tired eyes.

"Hey Jean, look who's come to see you." Reiner speaks; letting Marco inside and closing the mesh quickly afterwards, as not to risk either one bolting for it- though he heavily doubted Marco would ever attempt to escape like Jean has before.

Marco moves in, slowly towards Jean, before he kneels against the rubbery padding of the floor."Hey Jean." He greets; but if met with no verbal response. Just the response of Jean slowly moving to sit up. He seems groggy and a little unsteady, but he manages. Much to Marco's delight of course.

"I really wanted to come see you again... You like Mr Snuggles, right?" He holds the toy out in both hands; and watches Jean's face slowly soften out; and his eyes fill with this sort of envious need for the toy. His hands twitch against the floor, and he slowly comes closer, a silent asking for the toy that Marco was holding onto. Freckles didn't hold on, even as Jean reached to take the bear and gently lifted him off his stretched out hands; he didn't try to take it back. He wanted Jean to be happy, and if he liked the toy, then that was okay with him. He'd share, it was good.

Reiner smiles behind the mesh, sighing gently,  
"I'll go sort out some paperwork... I'm gonna leave this outside door open, so if you need anything just shout alright? I'll hear you." He nods his head sharply, and moves out of sight of the doorway entirely, starting the short walk to his office along the corridor from here.

Marco turns back to Jean once Reiner is gone, and relaxes a little with just Jean.

The smaller boy has already taken Mr Snuggles his prisoner; the toy against his chest and slowly curling back up against the floor again. Marco mimicks him; laying a short distance away and facing him, just watching.

He doesn't expect Jean to shuffle closer; and closer again.

He doesn't expect the soft press of the smaller boy trying to share the toy between them; and he really doesn't anticipate the way Jean hides his face against Marco's shoulder and neck as he crawls closer. Eyes clenched shut against the false light of his room and just pressing close to Marco as he physically could manage.

IT filled him with a warmth; Marco found himself smiling at the boy; and freeing an arm from their press; he lays it over Jean's shoulder; following the curve of his small body, slowly playing with the matted tangles of his two-tone hair, adoring him quietly.

"I get it now...you're tired. I'm tired too... I'm always tired. Tired of being here." Marco sighs quietly, running his fingers over the thick strands of Jean's hair. He needed a bath really- both of them did. Maybe he'd mention it to Reiner later, but for now he was more prioritized with Jean here pressed up against him. Probably because Marco is just naturally very warm- a human radiator if you would. He simply gives out heat like a dying star.

"I wonder what the flowers look like, outside... I wonder what colours they are. You seen them Jean? You probably don't remember...Reiner said you've been here years...I barely remember and I've not been here so long..." Marco frowns gently; looking down at the face of the smaller boy, or what he could see of it anyway. Just about able to make out the arch of his nose, and his closed eyes from where his face was pressed and hidden in Marco's shirt. It was cute really- you wouldn't look at them for a moment and think they're sick, you wouldn't think there was something wrong... He just looked so sweet. Especially to Marco.

"It's okay Jean...someday we'll go see the flowers. And all the pretty colours... We'll walk in the sunlight- actual sunlight...and watch the sunset and look at the stars too. We'll be free and it'll all be okay." He mutters; earning a half asleep grumble of some sort from Jean; whose smaller arm comes to rest on Marco's side now, as if quietly asking for the quiet to be returned to his room. And Marco obliges him. He hushes; if only for Jean to be okay.

Though he soon finds himself drifting to sleep too. The floor wasn't too uncomfortable thanks to the padding; and it was strangely comforting to have Jean here like this. A constant sleeping reminder that Marco wasn't alone here, he wasn't alone. 

 

By the time Reiner returned an hour or so later to collect Marco; he found the pair still like this. Curled up together and blissfully asleep in a tangle of legs and arms. He was honestly shocked- they looked so sweet, they hadn't fought, they'd barely moved...and They just looked so peaceful.

Who could pull Marco away from that? He wouldn't want to see the kicked puppy face the boy would pull if he had to wake him up...  
The decision was made to leave them be; keeping the outer door open so that he could hear if anything happened between the pair. Any shouts would be heard easily all through the corridor. For now...He trusted them to remain sleeping and quiet, curled up together like they were made to be.


	10. Diary of broken bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of the chapters that gives us a glimpse into the backstory of our beloved patients...

He wasn't so different.

Not back then anyway.

In those days where his shoes were dull and loved, and his lungs filled with the fresh morning air five days a week; walking to and from the buildings that gave him so much promise. The buildings that at first had been inviting; had stood proud and tall and brought him in, filled his head with knowledge and books and brilliant things.  
Ideas, techniques, skills and more knowledge over and over again.

A cycle, to wake up and dress the same everyday, to walk the same route carrying the same bag, to study the same things and practice.  
Practice makes perfect.

Over and over again, perfection is an art and it should be achieved but all the same isn't it just a concept? Is perfection an art or an ideal? Something someone has reached or something lingering just out of reach as we jump from the bridge of the tallest peak, just hoping to grab hold last moment.

Nobody has reached it before.

But here it goes again, another day of that same routine- innate to his senses, body clock so in tune an alarm wasn't even needed, and all the same things. This talk of perfection, of the highest mark, such unbelievable perfection that could stop crowds and make the times stand still. Again this war to achieve such a concept.

Then the words began.  
The names.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,  
but words shall never hurt me.

How false that statement stood.  
It became part of it, this routine.  
The ridicule; so painful it made his skin crawl between lines and every elaborate scribble of handwriting. Every join of his letters make him cringe with thought.

I am not perfect.

And I must be perfect.  
If I am perfect, they will love me.

 

It escalated, it grew like a cloud and hung in his mind all day.  
I'm too tall.   
So he slouches.

I'm too soft.  
So he hardened.

I'm too fat...  
So he lost weight.

He didn't eat at school, and when he ate at home it'd only be a matter of hours before he'd be hung over the toilet and throwing away a precious motherly meal-  
His parents never knew.  
he'd never speak a word.

He'd gotten thinner, lanky. But he'd still been tall, taller than ever.  
The words still crushed him, like a shattered bone.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,  
but your words shall never hurt me.

They kept it up. Demanding him to change all day, grades started to slip and with it came the tongue lashing of angry parents that question his study times, despite laboring over his revision and his timetables- despite his classroom attendance and his effort being through the roof, they didn't dare to question the mentality of a child they had raised.

They hadn't dared to remind him, he's perfect as he was. 

He cried and cried harder, he choked up even the smallest foods and could only satiate hunger with endless cups of water, one upon another until it became sickening to so much as see a tap running. Even then he'd spit water between his curses and his wishes to be this ideal child, this symbol of perfection.

Even as the routine left behind the uniforms; exchanged for freedom clothing. College, it was a wonderful time, but even still his grades struggled to remain in the passing area, and once more his parents fell down like a pile of bricks and rubble.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,  
but your words are starting to hurt me.

Every day after that torturous walk home in the silence of the air, he'd sit over his books and cry and tear his hair out.  
Pages were crinkled with dried tears and the ink had began to run but still he could recite every chapter word for word, execute every logorithm and command, program every code imaginable from his books.

And then the F's started to roll in.  
And with it the demand only raised, and things could only lower.

Nights were spent in complete silence of his bedroom; books were discarded aside and pillows were mistrewn. Meals were missed and pushes away and even the water could not satiate this hunger- the hunger to be brilliant and loved again, but what did it even mean to be loved anymore? Appreciated? No, he couldn't be that without perfection. 

The slicing began, between the spitting of water and drinks and the slicing, ever night another line- every night another reminder that he wasn't good enough. Ever angry word of parents that couldn't keep it together, couldn't seem to see the longing to be loved and appreciated even for a single moment...  
They wanted the best for him.

The long walks began too; his class attendance dropped faster than a stone through a vacuum, days were missed. Weeks even, just this need to stand alone in the open air of the nearby bridge. Walk the length daily, several times perhaps. Watch the ocean below swing in and out in it's beautiful tidal pattern, watch the breaking waves as the ocean met the river and the collision of nature only served as a reminder to this emotional war going on.

Sometimes he'd sit on the railing; look out unrestricted. Gaze out to the ocean; watch the unmoving horizon and the reflection of the sun.  
Sometimes the sunset.  
Even the stars; watch the clouds blur the shine across the moving water top, watch as they dip away behind the clouds, hide their shine.

Sometimes he'd stand on the railings; watch from higher up. Hold onto the wires with a hand and lean out ever so slightly, gaze down at low tide, where the rocks below would make their vague appearance between the lapping waves and the breaking of the whites. Reminder of the danger that lurked behind even beauty.

And one day, he wanted to become part of nature, where he couldn't be judged anymore. If water filled his ears he wouldn't have to hear them anymore, if water filled his stomach he wouldn't have to eat anymore, if water filled his lungs he wouldn't have to breathe anymore.

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones,  
But words can also hurt me.  
Sticks and stones break only skin,  
While words are ghosts that haunt me.

Slant and curved the words-swords fall  
To pierce and stick inside me,   
bats and bricks may ache through bones,   
But words can mortify me.

Pain from words has left its scar  
On mind and heart that's tender.  
Cuts and bruises now have healed,  
It's words that I remember.


	11. The Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's backstory, yay~  
> Anyone noticing that most of these titles follow a pattern? I think there's 2 or 3 that are exempt from this. "Loneliest boys are nicest boys, Expelling poison... The rest are references to something. Down the Rabbit Hole is a vague one so ignore that if you wish.)
> 
> Get ready for broken hearts, lots of references and general sadness. Also heads up for drug use and dark themes mmk?

_I was knocked out, heels over head, so you dragged me by my feet- to a ghost town, where you buried me. No wonder no one heard my screams._  
  
 _Love so alive, but it died- in it's sleep._  
 _And now that it's dead,_  
 _I live in your head..._  
  
 _And I will haunt your **fucking** dreams!_ _  
  
  
_Even Sina's hellish demon once had a life, once knew love and lived in our streets. He loved- but he loved the wrong one, and it dragged him farther into hell than he'd thought he'd seen.  
Turns out rock bottom is farther down than he thought.  
  
Taylor- his name was Taylor. And god did Jean love him-  
he was tall and skinny, and like him, he'd been from a broken home.  
  
Alcoholism, abuse and broken voices all through their lives. And when they met each other it just fell into place like a lost jigsaw. The pieces came together and formed their bigger picture- yet, it missed the pieces that foretold the horror to become of them.  
  
Sure they had barely enough for rent or food, but they had each other right? They'd party together, have a good time- more than a few good fucks while they were at it, and boy was Taylor good at that...  
  
But there was a limit- and things changed.  
Taylor had broken long ago- he was years older than Jean. Still young but he had more under his belt, had more memories, more broken bones and hatred crawling in his skin. Drowned with the potent mix of alcohol and drugs. He fell into the pattern of his family before him, and it only had once place to go...  
  
And Jean suffered it.  
He called it love- if only to believe that was what it was. All the bruises- no, they had to be love bites of some kind, some manner surely. he loved him- he couldn't let go, they were all each other had, where else could he go but to the streets?  
  
Months of it ensued- and finally it amped up. Spiked drinks became a common thing, but who was jean to realize it wasn't a stranger dropping things into his drinks in the late night bars, but his own lover? And oh god how it burned- how it made his stomach churn and turn to acid, how everything warped and sound became too much or too little at the same time.  
  
He never blamed Taylor, he couldn't bring himself to. So desperate to be loved and have somewhere to belong, and yet the other had turned to this cycle of constant ruin. And, after so many of these drinks- came the pills. The powders and the needles, straight shots- high doses, cravings and withdrawal--  
It wasn't his fault, he couldn't say no. He couldn't fight a body so much larger than his, so much stronger. Couldn't fight the coos in his ear,  
  
"C'mon love, have fun with me..."  
Even when the needles hit a vain and he writhed from the sharp pain of the piercing scratch, but then he'd fall to the strange world that turned before his eyes. The unimaginable experience of high class and low class drugs, how it changed everything.  
  
But they forgot the effects- aside from the withdrawal. The constant scratching at his knuckles, his arms- just wishing to get another hit, jumpy and agitated. They'd fight then sometimes, both so wired and desperate for just a little relief. It'd turn to bites and a few hits maybe, but all in good fun right?  
  
But they messed around too much.  
The paranoia started- constantly in fear of being watched, followed- anything, that somebody knows or somebody thinks and somebody is there in the shadow, but never to be found.  
The sweats started, constant pouring of skin and god how it was sticky and uncomfortable and just unbearably hot.  
  
And the sounds.  
Blurry at first- like gunshots or static. Just in the background of everything...  
  
It broke Jean. The constant bodily pain, and he death between hits. Weeks sometimes he'd have to wait, and god did it hurt.  
But in one... he finally saw it. How badly he was bruised, how the prints weren't his own but the hands of the monster he'd fallen for, what a monster he was and how little love was even here anymore. How broken they'd both became...  
  
He took a lighter; flick the cap. Up down, on off, flame no flame...  
  
And watched him; long hair draping off the side of the couch; how his drink had long since been knocked over, and his face pressed half against the damp sofa material...  
And he dropped the lighter.  
Watched the cap loom open above his flame- how the damp ignited. Fallen liquor, and how  in those few moments it burned, how sluggish the other couldn't realize the pain.  
And when he did, the screams echoed all over. How he ran in blind panic, and Jean could do nothing but walk away...  
  
 _Catch a lover,  
Turn an enemy,_  
 _Just to watch them burn alive.  
  
_ He'd ended up with fire, but the screams, oh lord the screams echoed. every broken curse and word had come back to haunt and god did he wish he could turn back and run back to those broken arms; have them wrap him around. His body or his throat, it didn't matter.   
  
He wandered. For weeks and weeks he'd wondered, picked up anything he could, just for a little hit- a little relief. But with every one came another reminder of how broken Taylor had made him, how vulnerable he'd become.  
How others would approach him; come looking for his precious little body.  
He was a skinny boy; pretty boy for a street rat. They wanted a fill of him- and he just ran.  
  
  
When he'd been sent to Sina...  
He was a wreck. A wreck of cravings and delusions. The colours couldn't leave his sight and he was practically paraplegic in state- hardly alive. Everything had failed him, both organs and life. The voices never  stop now, the constant echo of his once beloved redhead, shouting his curses and his threats of Jean's life, how he'd kill him in so many ways--  
  
  
And now the fear lingers and eats his bones. He'll snap, but only when the voices have been too much and your words cut through him even more- builds up, agitates it...he's tired and aching and everything tastes sickly and acidic. Words mean nothing but a touch means vulnerability and more... And so he'd rot in his cell. Alone, feared...  
Just what Taylor wanted.  
  
  
 _No one will love you like I did,  
Will treat you like I did._  
 _So go on, wear that scarlet letter._  
 _No one will love you like I did,_  
 _Will touch you like I did,_  
  
 _So good luck finding something_  
 _Better._  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Take A Hint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vague mixture of everyone in this one. :) Takes place a little after the other chapters. That'll be explained~

Weeks had passed by; and the actions of past times had become more of a routine. Marco spent more and more time with Jean; though granted quite a lot of that was spent napping side by side in his padded cell. But it still counts! Bertholdt had become slowly more talkative; and seemed to have placed some amount of trust in Reiner, always moving when he comes to visit- and at least accepts his dinner dish now. Even if sometimes his mind has the better of him, and he can't always keep it down.  
  
Reiner was okay with that; he understood. It was hard to overcome something that isn't physical; you can't reason with your own head. And it's an extremely slow process to even begin fixing the underlying traumas that normally trigger such experiences.  
  
Today however, he had something to document.  
  
  
He arrives outside the cells with his trolley as usual; food ready to be served. He takes Bertholdt's inside; the mashed section containing his liquid meds as usual. However, he also brings in another object. Square and solid in one hand, It's heavy but he can move it himself.  
"Morning Bert." He smiles as he comes in; nudging the mesh door shut with a kick of his foot, and sets the heavier object down against a wall. Placing Bert's food on the end of his bed.   
The dark haired boy is awake; settled at the other end and watching.  
"Morning, Reiner."  
he still speaks somewhat sheepishly; as if talking to a superior, but the blonde thought perhaps it would subside with time.  
  
"I need to borrow you for a few things today Bert. Gotta keep the files updated and make sure you're getting better, yeah? So I need you to come stand on this. It's a set of scales, so I can see if you've gained any weight after you got here. Hopefully we'll see a little change." He smiles; and offers his hand out. The other accepts his hand after a moment of thinking; and is pulled up from the bed to come and stand upon the scales.  
  
It takes a moment for the hand to spin on the dial; and when it does, it looks promising.  
"There we go, that's a good sign! It's not a big gain, but it is a couple of pounds gained. That's good! Really good Bert- if we keep going like this, you could be out of here in just a couple of months. Back to a normal life outside in the sunshine. Be nice, right?" He grins; but Bert's face looks wholly uncertain about that, stepping back so Reiner can lift up his scales.  
  
"Sure...i-it'd be good, I guess..."  
  
Reiner pauses; if only to give him some kind of reassuring smile on the subject.  
"Okay well, for the next couple of things you'll need to come over to my office okay? I'll need to write stuff down as we go so it's just easier for me." Bertholdt nods his head gently in response; and moves to follow behind Reiner.  
They shuffle along the corridor; coming to a small door hidden in an alcove.   
Beyond the door was what Reiner called his office- but realistically it was a cramped room that he called home while here.  
A desk was stuck up against the wall on the immediate left of the door; a narrow bookcase behind the door when open, and at the end of the tiny room is a lumpy looking bed. The metal frame looking a little old and battered, where the black paint has evidently come off in certain places. Still, looks better than the white beds Bertholdt and the others got to call 'comfortable'. Still, the room was barely large enough to fit them both.  
  
"Okay, come in here and I'm just gonna measure your arms and stuff okay? Get some dimensions. Shouldn't take too long if you stay still for me." Reiner adds, picking up a measure, and slowly works on taking arm and neck measurements; before going Bert's leg dimensions, and eventually his chest and stomach. It was a relatively fast process; but it didn't make it any less awkward.  
I mean, honestly he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this close to someone- aside from when he got a bath those several weeks ago now. That was Reiner, even then. He still blushes thinking about that- how this blonde saw him completely in the nude and didn't even bat an eyelid about it.  
  
Thinking about it, he wondered what Reiner looked like underneath his uniform--  
Probably quite buff, he's broad but in no way fat at all, and he did carry those scales like they weighed nothing...  
And hell he wondered what he looks like with a hand wrapped aroun--  
No Bertholdt! Bad Bertholdt!  
  
He mentally curses himself for such thoughts; and though his face is the same colour as a tomato, Reiner is too busy writing his notes down at the desk to notice when Bertholdt seems to shudder at the thought; eyeing the bed in slight suspicion.  
Maybe that's why the edges are so worn down...  
Wonder how soundproof the walls are...  
  
This time he didn't try to stop thinking all those possibilities.  
He knew it was beyond wrong to be even be thinking like this but...Reiner was just so unbearably nice all the time- and after a life of being called names and told he wasn't good enough, to suddenly be coaxed into things, treated decently...It was such a rush, and he didn't want that to stop anytime soon.  
  
"I got a few more things to write, so go ahead and sit on the bed if you want. Saves you having to be stood up all the time." Reiner glances over his shoulder at Bertholdt; who slowly shuffles towards the bed in question and perches himself right on the edge of it.  
  
It's more comfortable than it looks; supports weight nicely. The frame did creak though, so he would think the walls are thick enough to at least mask that if not...anything else that might be making the bed creak.  
  
The silence that fills the room becomes thick after a little while; and with Bertholdt's wandering mind, he's honestly struggling to keep sitting there without saying something- but if he did, there's a good chance he'd just be thrown into a different cell block. It wasn't good, a patient and a worker...He knew that, even as a new person here he knew that. This place was harsh and strict and, he hated it. If he'd met Reiner outside these blasted walls, maybe things would be different from now.  
  
"Alright, that's everything done for now. Should take you back to your room now, let you eat." Reiner stands from his little chair; and notes the awkward stature Bertholdt is currently settled in. He offers his hand out to help him up though, with an amused smile.  
"You okay down there?"  
  
"Y-Yeah...." He responds after a pause; and takes Reiner's hand with a more affirmative grip this time. And thought he doesn't want to, he has to let go.   
They walk back together, and once inside- he has to mention something.  
  
"Reiner?"  
The blonde turns; coming back towards Bertholdt in question- and he's taken by surprise when he finds skinny arms wrapped around his broad form and a face tucked against his shoulder.  
"T-Thankyou...for everything you do..." he mutters gently; barely audible against the uniform, but Reiner hears him, and tucks arms around Bertholdt too; holding him close for a few moments.  
"It's a pleasure Bert...I wanna see you healthy.Want you to be happy and okay." He responds quietly; holding on for a short while, until he knows he has to go- the others need feeding too, as much as he would be more than happy to stay holding onto Bertholdt, he had to go.  
  
They both pull away with regrets; and Bertholdt settles on his bed to pick at his food, watching as Reiner's form disappears beyond the mesh, and beyond the sealed outer door.   
  
  
  
  
Jean and Marco had been left together once again; curled up beside eachother with Marco's little toy pressed up between them, the only reason they had any space between them at this moment.  
Even when Reiner enters to leave food for them both, they don't wake up; too tired and comfortable as they were like this, and he was more than happy to leave them to their own devices for the time being.  
  
Instead, it was Jean that woke up; about an hour later. To the view of Marco still snoozing soundly beside him; half curled in a ball with Snuggles resting on the inside of one arm between them. He was cute sure but; there was something that Jean just couldn't trust him for, and he wasn't even sure why.  
Marco hadn't done anything to make him not want to be like this...But there was this constant sense of danger- a constant feeling of risk, and the voice in his head only echoed over and over as he came to his full senses.  
  
Marco only started to stir when Jean rolled himself away; sitting up against one of the nearby walls. Brown eyes ficker open and the blink awake slowly; and when he realizes that Jean is no longer beside him; but instead up against a wall, Marco shuffles to also sit by the wall; placing his toy in Jean's lap.  
The other accepts the toy of course; picking it up and pulling it close- letting it sink against his chest and shoulders come forward protectively, head lowered a little- Until there is a weight against one shoulder; and he turns to see Marco with his head there, leaning into Jean also. He looks tired still, from the half lid of his eyes and that ever so slightly dopey smile on him.  
"Marco?"  
  
"Mm..?"  
  
"...Why are you here?" Jean asks; quietly. His voice is still in a sleepy husk though; and Marco seems to just shrug and press himself close.  
  
" 'm cold..." He murmurs; eyes coming closed as he rolls to be laying facing Jean; head slipping from his shoulder slowly.  
Jean pauses; looking uncertain, but he slowly moves himself- relaxing himself best he can, and pulling Marco to lay his head in Jean's lap. Head balanced over one clothed, weedy thigh a little more comfortably- letting the rest of his long body spread against the passed floor. It'd be better for his neck, anyway. he seems to smile; not opening his eyes still, and nuzzles himself down to get a little more comfortable.  
  
Jean returns to playing with the stuffed toy they shared between them; one hand draped over Marco's chest and the other holding Snuggles, watching the toy, looking through it's stitched eyes, where glass beads once were.  
  
He supposed this was okay- being able to sit here like this, have Marco keeping at least one of his thighs slightly warmer than the other, but...there was just something that erked him. And though he couldn't see anything wrong- every time they touched his heart would race and his chest would hurt, and his brain would light up with nothing but panic...  
  
He dropped the toy; suddenly feeling a weight inside his hand. Cold and square and smooth and metallic- and filled with fluid.  
But he looked, and there was nothing there.  
  
and all the same his other hand could feel long red hair- shaggy and unbrushed and matted but he could feel it; even though he turned, and under his hand was nothing but the cold cotton of Marco's shirt.  
There was fear in his veins as he realized; he realized how little control he had. How at any moment he could hurt Marco- he could kill him. Not burn him like he did to the last one, but he could snap his neck. Bite his limbs, tear his face or pull out his hair- he could do all manner of things and have no control to stop...or forgive himself.  
  
And all the same he wouldn't have to snap if he could only trust that Marco couldn't push his buttons and couldn't tread wrong...if Marco couldn't hurt him but heal him instead-  
But there was no trust.  
He'd hurt him, just like Taylor did.  
He knew it, they always did. He'll spit words like poison in time.  
  
Being close to someone...it always felt nice in the beginning.  
But just wait and it'll be toxic as the love he left behind.  
This won't become love, he won't let it...  
  
  
Yet; here he is, with a gorgeous boy curled against him, head in lap and looking darling as he sleeps...A stuffed toy by the other side of him; and one pale hand resting on the other's chest...he can feel his heart beat and chest rise...  
And it's calm.  
  
Confusion, is an understatement.


	13. Monster, How should I feel?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean stuff, because I can.  
> Also I'm alive, hello and sorry for the long wait darlings! <3 Thankyou for all the love this series keeps getting, hopefully I'll make some artwork to go with the chapters... <3

Time seemed to fly by faster as the days would go, and the routine at Sina had long since sunk in with Bertholdt and the others. Today was a rare day however, a day Reiner never thought he'd get to see.   
But there it was, on his desk. He sits forward in his squeaky chair, reading glasses just clinging onto the arch of his broad nose and eyes scroll over words he didn't expect to be written before him...   
  
_Permission Granted_

 

His eyes light up in this excitement; and his hands are almost shaking as he scrolls down the page. Patient 131 Is allowed to move into a paired living space, with patient 210.  
  
Or, to Reiner, Jean could move into a shared room with Marco.  
Jean could finally have a normal, or fairly normal living space. No more padded walls, no more constant silence.   
And Marco would never have to be alone again, if they get along as well as they have been.  
  
It seems almost too good to be true, but all the same he can't help the way he jumps up with the paper stuffed into his back pocket, and sprints down the hall with his ring of keys hung in his other hand, rushedly throwing the locks and doors open of the only paired cell on this row.  
  
This room is fairly large, even compared to the others. There's a desk and simply stool against the right hand wall, with two metal framed beds against the left. A barred window sits across from the door- but it's a substantial size, and the ledge is thick enough to make it a decent seat to gaze from too. Despite the still bare walls, this room is more life like, a little more believable to be a simulation of the world outside of this place.  
  
Reiner even goes to the liberty of making the two beds up with fresh linen, throwing the dusty stuff out to be washed up later. The boys had been so good recently- he wanted this to be a real treat, something to reward them both, aid them a little more. Never know, perhaps Jean 'Worse than Satan' Kirchstein might one day walk free of here, free from his own head at long last.  
  
Until that day, Reiner merely settles for fluffing up the thin pillows here a little, even slips an extra one in for both the beds, just to be good to them. It wasn't against the rules, just not normal regulation. That and he felt a little guilty for giving Bertholdt two extra pillows last month after learning of his neck pain...  
But that's besides the point.  
He covers the plain sheets over with the white quilting, as winter was settling in and the temperatures dropped at night beyond all belief. They'd need the warmth, Sina didn't have radiators or heating in any of the cells, though Reiner was lucky to have an ancient cast iron model in his office room. It hardly works, makes random bubbling sounds at odd times of night, and has broken his baby toe more times than he can count when stubbing it on the damn thing- but it's a godsend when temperatures here drop well below freezing.  
  
He wasn't going to complain, even if his toes were purple half the time.  
  
  
When all was said and done, all there was left to do was go and grab the pair of boys, who were- unsurprisingly, in Jean's padded cell together.  
Reiner does try to be quiet when opening the doors as not to disturb the naps that tend to happen in the small space, but the old-age locks make an awful lot of noise, and Jean's pretty hyper aware of that sound. He captures their mostly awake attentions immediately, and he just smiles.  
"Up you get boys, got a little surprise for you today."  
  
"A surprise? Is our food hot today?"  
  
" 'Fraid not Marco, but this is better. I promise you." Reiner grins, opening the inside door and awaiting the pair to move. Marco pulls himself up first, before dragging Jean to his feet behind himself with a single arm, the other merely pressing a fist to his own chest. It's anxiety, and that hand would normally hold onto Mr Snuggles- who is kept prisoner between the clenched arms of Jean. But Marco seemed to deal with this minor anxious thought, and leaves the room with the smaller boy in tow.  
  
They both seem a little confused about this, though Jean's face is still in it's permanent glaring state, golden eyes that seem to burn holes in anyone he looks at- par Marco, who for some reason hasn't suffered anything at the smaller boy's hands.  
  
"Right this way." Reiner smiles, turning to walk them along to the open room across the corridor, and steps inside to lead them in.  
  
Marco moves in first, and drops his grip on Jean's arm as he looks around, fixed into place before he turns to look over his shoulder.  
"This...this is for us?"  
  
"Ding-Ding-Ding, correct. I got permission for Jean to have shared housing with you, Marco. You've really had a good impact on his behavior, and now you'll never have to be alone again. You never have to go back to your single cell."  
  
"I- I never have to be...I...I have a friend now?"  
  
Reiner nods, the line itself is almost heartbreaking to hear from a grown man- but Marco's brown eyes soften right up like melting butter, and water a little across the bottoms, turning to see Jean looking about.  
  
He seems to have already claimed a bed, and is otherwise pacing around the room with one hand tucked around their shared stuffed toy, and the other hand running across the rough plastered walls of the room, as if taking enjoyment from them.  
  
"Nice to feel something solid and not padded rubber, huh Jean? I think you're gonna like it here." Marco smiles, going to follow loosely behind him, until he gets a quiet nod out of the smaller boy, and his soft eyes turn back to Reiner once again.  
  
They're practically sparkling, deep brown orbs like that, and it really brings out how round his face gets when he smiles like this- how his freckles seem to pop out, and the massive dimples he gets in those almost-chubby cheeks.  
"Thankyou Reiner- Really...thank you."  
  
"Hey, it's no problem. Just look after eachother yeah? Gotta be on good behaviour for this to work. I trust you two'll be fine though." Reiner flashes a toothy grin of his own, heading out of the doors and clicking the mesh into place.  
"I'll bring food around in an hour, take time to just chill and whatever. You'll get a bath later too. My treat."  
  
  
Days like this were beyond rare, and for the first time in a long while, Reiner leaves the door shut with his heart filled with a warmth... He'd never seen Marco smile like that, and there was something special about seeing such an expression on him for the first time.  
  
Things were going to be okay, Reiner decided. They'd be okay....  
  



End file.
